Overpower Disappointment

Disappointment.  Today I spent most of my time being miserable because I was going to have to teacher summer school.  I was looking forward to my fist summer – my first summer with no grad classes, my first summer with no summer school – my first summer of time for my family and myself.  Then my plans were slammed into the wall and drug across the ground and spit onto a cactus – so to speak.  I am teaching summer school after all.   I was disappointed.  I realize this may not seem like a big deal to most, especially those that have normal jobs that work year round.  Believe it or not – most teachers do work year round – they are always planning and organizing.  The part of the year with students is a precious but stressful time.  Have you ever heard someone say something to the effect of “I have 5 kids, I know all about stress.”  Well, teachers have about 20 – all the same age.  Is there a word for that?   Octuplets is 8 at once, what is 20 at once?  I must admit, I don’t have 20 at once, I work with the kids who have various disabilities, some severe, some not. 

Anyhow – that was a bit of a bird walk.  Basically, I was looking forward to my first free summer (other than planning) since I started teaching.  And now I am not.  My stomach was twisted all day, I felt sorry for myself, I could not shake it.  I was cloudy, dismal, and miserable – I could not even force myself to smile.   I recognized the hold that Satan was gaining on me.  I could see his long grasping fingers winding around my heart, doing his very best to squish every bit of joy and peace out of it.  I don’t think it was all summer school – Satan was stacking my frustrations today.  Part of what Satan was telling me included “You are such a wuss, it’s just summer school.” I got through the day by hitting my knees at lunch.  Once I got home I curled up on my bed, and spent some time with God.  I put away my whining and focused on the positive.  I stopped feeling sorry for myself, shook of Satan’s fingers and got on with the evening with my family.  I became energized and excited!

Disappointment is the thing I seem to struggle with the most.  Once my mind latches onto something I am looking forward to, it slams me right down when the thing I had been looking forward to does not happen.  Even if it is taking my kids for ice cream.  We cannot let Satan sideline us like that.  I cannot let Satan sideline me like that.  He can make us feel worthless.  He can make us feel depressed, miserable, full of despair, and depressed.  He takes minor things like summer school, ice cream, tests, rude people, and even malfunctioning computers to get in the way of our service to the Lord.  You probably think I am a terrible whiny complainer.  I am usually not.  But I am telling you this little story as an illustration of how Satan can use trivial things against us.  He will use anything at all to derail our focus and energy.  I was too busy saying oh poor me, poor me to recognize that perhaps God is at work here.  Just maybe God has a plan for me this summer, even if it is as simple helping others who need a boost.  That is what Christ wants us to do, what he has taught us to do – to show love – to think of others and not just ourselves.  Jesus has taught us how to live, He has also taught us how to love.  Jesus can help us overpower disappointment - He has overcome the world!