Don't Give Anger a Chance

Have you ever felt anger and frustration and stress attack your insides, and turn you to a raving lunatic?   Maybe that is a slight exaggeration, but only slight…  When this happens, I am waspish – full of sharp words and snap judgments.

God says that lashing out in anger is sin.  Ephesians 4:26  And “don’t sin by letting anger control you”.  Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

This is my goal, my action plan:

*Don’t speak without processing the information at hand.

*Recognize fun, happiness, and excitement and respond to the wrongdoers’ intent, not the way the action makes me feel.  (Example: As I am writing this, my sons are having a great time!  But their nonsense noises and commotion is causing my frustration level to rise.  I need to speak to them in a normal tone and not snap out in anger – fun is  not illegal.)

*Respond to infractions with a positive phrase.  (Don’t condescend in correction, but use helpful correction that makes it a learning experience of camaraderie – both have the same effect, the positive will get better long term results.)  Ephesians 4:29 Don’t use foul or abusive language.  Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

*Present needed tasks as a family activity rather than an accusation and demand.  (Rather than coming home and saying “This house is gross!  Why hasn’t anyone swept the floor yet?”  I need to replace it with  “It’s past time to get the chores done, if we all work together the house will look great in just 15 minutes or so!” – AND remember to notice and thank them when chores ARE done before I come home!)

*Correct actions using routine phrases or bible verses.

*PRAY

*Always ask forgiveness, from God and my family, if I do let anger lashes loose.

Kids learn by example.  There are times when I have corrected my 14 year old step-daughter and then later realized that the action that got her in trouble was learned from me!  (On a pleasant side note, I have seen her mimic positive things I do as well.)  In the area of anger, we, the parents, are who they are going to learn their habits from.  If you let anger get the better of you, you will have kids that let their anger get the better of them. 

Be open with your own struggles and the things about yourself you are working on correcting.  Be open about what you do for God (to improve your character).  Discuss what Jesus defines as good character and what that looks like in life.  Use this as a basis for family discussion.  Develop a family action plan:

INHALE – take a breath

PRAY – whisper a prayer for strength and calm and guidance

SEE – SEE the situation, get all the facts and attitudes

THINK – formulate a response, gage the results of the response, decide if a response is necessary at all

DEPLOY – give your response or action

It is also so important when controlling anger to know yourself, and teach your kids self-evaluation.  Personally, I am an early riser with an active brain in the mornings.  After 10 p.m. I am unreasonable!  I do not process information the same and am easily angered.  My husband however is the exact opposite; he is a night owl who is unreasonable in the mornings…  We discuss family and situations while we make supper or right after the kids go to bed.  We know when works for us and when we cannot trust ourselves to communicate well.  Don’t worry, the unreasonableness only pops up with an issue – most days are great.  Knowing your own triggers and faults is giant when not letting anger control you.  If I am upset about something at night – I force myself to stay quiet – because I KNOW I will probably not care about the issue in the morning, and I will regret anything I say.  If I do still care in the morning, I find a ‘good time’ to talk it through – rationally.

Psalm 4:4  Don’t sin by letting anger control you.  Think about it overnight and remain silent.

Philippians 4:6-7  Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Colossians 3:12-15  Since God chose you to be the holy people He loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.  Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you.  Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.  Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.  And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts.  For as members of one body you are called to live in peace.  And always be thankful.