TRUST AND OBEY

God wants me to learn something…  Isn’t it a bit scary when God asks you to learn something new, something out of your comfort zone?  You wonder, what now, if I learn this, what does the next step of my life look like.  God has wanted me to learn this skill for a while.  Thinking back, I probably changed teaching positions just because this is a skill that I lack…  Have you had anything that God wants you to learn, but haven’t had the guts to do it yet?

Well, I believe God wants me to learn to take charge.  He wants me to learn how to stand up for myself and ‘direct traffic’ – in other words, tell people (adults) what to do and how to do it.  And he wants me to learn to deal with people who are in my charge and just plain out of line.  He doesn’t want me to address only the big stuff, but the small stuff too. 

I am a special education teacher.  I have students that need someone with them all the time, every minute of every day.  That means I have people that I am in charge of, and they work with the student and carry out the plan for his or her day – the plan that it is my job to create.  I am usually easy to work with; I rely on input from these people to develop the student’s educational plan.  I don’t get upset easily and really let many frustrations go.  Last year I was often irritated because this person would not follow the plan set out, and just let the student wander around or watch movies.  His schedule is very routine and strict because that is the only way he will progress.  But I was new, and I let things go.  The room was a mess all the time and she was on her phone A LOT.  She would often tell me what I ‘needed’ to do, usually things that would destroy my relationship with the student’s parents.   There was always drama, drama, drama. 

This year I tried to schedule the people I worked with so she would spend less time in my classroom with this student.  It didn’t work.  I have to face her.  I have to tell her how she MUST work with this student, that the phone MUST remain in her purse, and that she MUST clean up after herself...  I am terrible at telling people what to do.  But I am not even giving her a chance!  She can’t change if she doesn’t know I need her to!  Well yesterday was big.  She is supposed to take two students to the store to buy snacks and cooking needs for the next week…  She didn’t go.  I was in a meeting, she told the other para-educator that she didn’t have a list, didn’t know where the van keys were (not true) and wasn’t’ going…  Well, she and the kids were supposed to have created the list in class the day before…  Which means she didn’t do that either…  We had talked about this store trip right before I left the room, I had called parents, I told a student that as soon as he finished 5 math problems they would go.  Nothing was mentioned about not going – she just didn’t go.  Now I am stuck, I have to deal with this; but I don’t want to.

I do know that God wants me to learn this.  This situation is my fault.  I have let this happen.  I should have intervened when the annoyances were small, and now they have grown way out of proportion.  Now I have a big problem to deal with.  God has given me many opportunities to deal with this ‘insubordination’ –for lack of a better term- and I have let it go.  Now it is big, and will only grow if I let it slide.  I need to give her a chance.  I need to learn what God wants me to learn, because I don’t know what he has in store for my future and obviously this is a skill I need.  I must learn to stand up for myself.  This is not the only problem at this school that I have due to my inability to speak up.  God wants me to realize that standing up for yourself does not ALWAYS mean you are whining.  I have come so close to quitting teaching altogether.  I love teaching, I love my students.  I cannot handle the drama and insignificant crud that comes with teaching.  I want to work with kids, but to do that I must apparently learn to stand up for myself.  That, or God wants to drive me out of teaching to do another work for him?  Maybe?  Ya think?  Possible, but I am probably supposed to learn this skill before I can do that work…

Think of this verse:

Hebrews 11:1  Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen, it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.

Really, what is the worst that can happen?  If she is really angry with me she will go to the principal or another special education teacher and ask to be put in a different position – problem solved.  I need to strengthen my trust.  I am actually quite sure that she will be surprised to realize this all has bothered me and I have totally wasted my time worrying about it. 

If there is anything in your life that God wants you to learn, learn it!  Learn it and move on, keep your eyes on the Lord!  We (I) should not be wasting any of the time that God has gifted us in stress!  What a waste!!  If God wants you to learn something, it is obviously in your best interest to learn it!  Let it go, follow God’s will, learn the lesson, and be at peace!!

John 14:1   "Don't let your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God and trust also in me."   (this is Jesus talking)

Isaiah 40:31  But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.  They will soar high on wings like eagles.  They will run and not grow weary.  They will walk and not faint.

Isaiah 41:10  Don't be afraid, for I am with you.  Don't be discouraged, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.  I will hold you up in my victorious right hand.

Psalm 37:5  Commit everything you do to the Lord.  Trust him and he will help you.

Psalms 46:1-3  God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea.  Let the oceans roar and foam.  Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge!