The Lesson of the Disappearing Aunt

I have a story to tell.  I have lots of stories to tell actually, but you only have to put up with one today.  It does have a purpose and I do have a direction for it, believe it or not, I am getting to it.  My aunt and I went to Walmart one day.  It was a busy day at Wallyworld, as always, lots of people, crowded isles, etc.  We managed to get what we needed and get into line without much ado.  We were visiting and enjoying one another's company and waiting, and waiting.  Well, there are lots of squirrels in a Walmart check-out line, some put there by Satan I am sure, but not all are Satan's squirrels.  This line was particularly long and tedious.  I was momentarily distracted into reading the cover of a magazine with a rather scrumptious looking desert on the front.  That's what squirrels do, they distract you.  Anyway, I looked up from the magazine cover and my aunt was GONE.  Just gone, vanished!  I looked left, I looked right, I looked in the people in front, in the people behind, I stood on my tiptoes to peer over the crowds... no aunt.  I stood there, stunned - alone - in a giant pushing crowd of people- and one thought went through my head over and over... I JUST MISSED THE RAPTURE!  Jesus returned for his people and I missed it!  I found myself going over my life lately to see what I had done wrong.  I was telling myself, no that can't happen to me.  Then I would tell myself, yes it can - no one knows the day or the hour...!  Then I searched around, looking for other missing people, looking for commotion and confusion.  I thought, could this many people really have missed it.  Could this many people really have been left behind by Jesus.  Yes, they could.  I kept convincing myself that it couldn't happen yet, while searching for my vanished aunt (I must admit, I even looked for dropped objects and piles of clothes) still in the checkout line.   Even as I was in denial, my fear of the tribulation grew.  I was setting myself to endure.   My eyes finally caught her, sitting on a bench, waiting.  The rapture had not taken her, Jesus did not leave me here to rot.  I prayed then and there, actually I had been praying the whole time of disbelief and blaring doubt.  Then, I laughed, I laughed, I laughed, and I laughed some more.  But there was a part of me that wasn't laughing.  God taught me a lesson that day.  I knew/know that Jesus is coming "like a thief in the night".  We won't know when, not 'til it is to late.  That is exactly how it will happen.  We will be going about our daily routine, minding our own business, reading about mint icing, or which TV star got fat... and bam, our aunts will be gone.  Or our mailman, or our children, or our co-worker.  Be ready, pray, ask forgiveness, worship, serve, be ready.  Don't be left behind in a Walmart checkout line, or anywhere else.

Don't Miss Out

We lost our little puppy, Junior - and really not so little, last Wednesday.  Our kids don't know yet; they are all at their 'other parents' for Thanksgiving.  He was an adorable little guy, full of spunk and life...  We have not had good luck with our dogs lately.  The best dog ever turned out to not be the 'best', but we still think of him that way.  He was a German Shepherd and very protective.  The problem was that he didn't always understand fun from hurt.  My brother was giving the kids a ride on our giant tire swing, they were laughing and screaming - having a ball!  Jack thought my brother was hurting them and ran over and took a chunk out of my brother's leg...  Rowdy, a little rat terrier, we sent to a better home.  He was a little guy that loved laps, he just wanted everyone to sit and pet him all day.  We always said that he would be so much happier if he could have one owner - just him and his owner- and spend their entire day together.  We were having a garage sale in town and a man came up searching for 'something'.  We asked if we could help him find anything particular and he replied "Na, I was really looking for a dog.  I am a trucker, and I want a little dog to ride with me wherever I go.  I get lonely."  After talking to the man for awhile, we realized that little Rowdy may miss us for a few days, but he would love life with this man!  So we let him go, for his own happiness.  I should mention that we also have Chris, our black lab, he is happy (was) and healthy.  He is taking Junior's loss badly.  We think Junior may have been hit by a car, or he got into a fight with a wild animal (we live out in the middle of nowhere).  We only had him for 3 months or so, he was a July puppy.  I miss him.  Now, here's the deal, I love my animals, but don't like their mess.  I am a neat freak in house with 2 big dogs, 3 cats, 4 kids, and a husband.  I did not think I would be sad if we gave up a dog.  I am.  You don't know what you've got until its gone.  I have found there is a big difference between 'giving up' a dog and having one taken from you.  One you had counted on keeping.  I wander what the reason is.  I have found most things in life have a reason or purpose.  I have learned to trust God that I may not always know that reason or purpose.  Some things seem terrible, but if you trust God with them, it all works out in the end.  Now I know people have much bigger problems than a dead dog, I am not trying to downplay ANYONE'S sorrow.  I know that some truly terrible things happen in life, and there are some giant thorns in life that are really more like spears or trees.  But the same stands, just trust God.  When we gave our little dog away, our friends dog had a litter of 10 puppies!  (Yes that is where Jr. came from.)  So what's next I wonder.  I wonder if there is a shelter dog that needs rescued or something like that.  I know we will find out in time.  God will always let us know.
Trusting God is like trusting that the sun will come up, that stars are shining behind the clouds.  We know they are there.  We know God is there.  Sometimes it may seem like he has left you alone, but those are the times he is encouraging patience.  He wants us to wait for his timing, and see just what he has to offer us.  My little girl prayed for her big sister to come live with us for three years, every night!  She never gave up!  That sister has been living with us for the last year and a half.  She didn't give up for three years.  What she prays for daily now is to see her mom.  After they both chose (3 years apart) to live with us, their mom began to tell them she didn't have the money to meet us halfway.  When we had time to drive them all the way out (3 1/2 hours one way), she said she had to work, or didn't have money to 'do' anything with them.  In short, they saw there mother twice during the school year, once last summer, and they are there now for Thanksgiving.  Before Wednesday, they had not seen her for 6 months!  I can't go that long without seeing my mom and I am 37!  She prays for it every night, to see her mom, that her mom and other sisters could know the Lord.  She raises her hand every Sunday in church for the church to pray for her to see her mom.  The older sister (13) has more or less given up.  She has become very cynical where her mother is concerned.  She also took her bible to do bible study with her little half sister (I think the little sister is 7 or so).  Now we can see God's purpose a little more clearly with that one.  For the oldest to move into and entirely new environment and way of life (3 siblings, parents that make you do your homework and give you hugs, not being allowed or able to run around town, different rules and problem solving strategies, different expectations... and she was 12 going in to 7th grade) - I am assuming not seeing her old life very often probably helped the transitions more than we will ever know!  But I also don't 'trust' that I know God's will.  His will is for him to know, and us to trust!  And I know they are hurt by her reasons for not seeing them.  They both call me mom now.  I feel that is one of the jobs God has tasked me with, is bringing them up in the Lord, in his word.  They didn't have that before.  My own sons have grown up relying on God, but I have noticed they have just as difficult time letting go and trusting as the girls do.  I would say our youngest daughter has the most thorough trust.  ( Our kids are a girl at 13, a boy at 12 - 13 in a month, a girl at 11, and another boy at 10 -- the girls are from my husbands former marriage and the boys are from my first marriage).  A Brady Bunch family that doesn't act much like the Brady Bunch - I will talk about that someday, I am not skirting the divorce and remarriage issue.
Anywhoo, I feel like I have been rambling a bit.  I guess my point, through loosing dogs, answered prayers, kids not seeing their parents.... we need to trust in the Lord.  'Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding' - (I can never remember locations, just the verses themselves.)  Basically we are control freaks, we have to let go, we have to trust that God knows what is best for us.  We don't want to miss out on what God has planned for us because we are to busy worrying and fighting him.  Just trust!
      J
TRUST
     S
     T

Use Your Dirt

How did you sleep last night?  Where you to plagued by worries and stresses to rest soundly?  Sometimes I have nights where my brain refuses to 'just be quiet about it'.  Lately I have been going through issues at work.  Drama, drama, drama, things constantly blown out of proportion, over-reactions everywhere I turn.  I was getting very down.  My mind was occupied with how to respond to certain situations, what to say, if I should say anything, I found myself wondering if my old position would be open next year - I miss it.  THEN: last Sunday our pastor delivered a simple sermon.  He talked about being thankful for the thorns in life (which I truly believe, but must have forgotten), he told a story about a donkey - I am sure many have heard it before, but it was my first.  
An old donkey, far removed from his working years, was out to pasture.  He fell in an old well.  The farmer knew he could not get the donkey out, and had planned to fill in the well anyway (you connect the dots).  As the farmer and his friends began to shovel the dirt in on top of the donkey the donkey bellowed, the end had come.  Soon the bellowing stopped, the farmers continued shoveling.  At one point they stopped to check their progress.  They found a content donkey, halfway up the well!  As they shoveled, the donkey shook off the dirt, and stepped up.  I repeat: the donkey shook off the dirt, and stepped up.  Soon the donkey was high enough, and he stepped daintily out of the well and trotted off happily.
The part I continually repeated to myself was: he shook off the dirt and stepped up.... God wants us to grow.  He wants us to shake off the dirt that is thrown on us and use that dirt to climb out!  Pastor made a reference to the bumps of life - - - and you can not climb a mountain without bumps -- you hold on to those bumps, you use those bumps, you NEED those bumps to make it to the top, to reach your goal, to be what God has planned for you to be.
I stepped back and looked at my situation.  Do I let the dirt bury me, or do I shake it off and step up - learn from it - let the dirt do its job and make me stronger, allow the Lord to prepare me for whatever it is I need to do for him.  My greatest fault is not standing up for myself, letting people push me around.  I needed to assert myself.  The situation would never /will never get better unless I assert my authority.  How to do it?  How to assert my authority, and make my 'rights' recognized as equal, and myself recognized as capable WITHOUT offending, hurting, or damaging the relationship.  How to use the bumps to grow and the dirt to climb up?  I know I need to learn to face conflict and quit skirting around it and hope it goes away on its own.  God wants me to face my fear - direct confrontation.  So... I prayed, I gave it all to God, I asked him to guide my words and actions and turn this situation around, I received peace and confidence.  I had the conversations I needed to have.  Don't get me wrong, I was very nervous, confronting people is WAY out of my comfort zone, my heart was racing!  But,it went very well, no one is mad.  Everyone seems to understand what their and my own responsibilities are.  I learned to not ignore the dirt - if I ignored that dirt, it would have buried me.  If that donkey had ignored his dirt, it would have buried him, if you ignore your dirt, it will bury you.  Pray to God to show you how to step up on that dirt, let him help you use the dirt of life to learn, and to crawl to safety.  Ultimately, it will help you find a better pasture - heaven.

Quit Watching the Squirrels

That was quite a hook!  Basically getting out of your boat is to trust God with your life.  Just as Peter trusted Jesus in the midst of that horrific storm, to step out of that tossing boat and walk on the water to meet his Lord, we should trust God to use the gifts and talent He has given us to use in our service to Him.  God has called me to write; I am sure of it.  The issue is, I have no time to write.  I have excuse, after excuse, after excuse!  I have a job that takes so much of my thought and consumes my time.  I bring work home with me, then I feel guilty for not getting it done at school because the work I bring home takes me away from my FOUR children and husband.  Really, how would I find time to write?  Excuses, excuses!  Even now, the last blog was posted over a quick lunch as students were arriving to my classroom.  Now, I have insomnia and it is 4:02 in the morning (after tossing around in bed listening to my husband snore for the last two or three hours).
So here I sit, buried under blankets and a computer typing away- and thinking - I should be working on those two IEPs on my desk - I really need to paint the living room - I should get the angel costumes for the Christmas program ironed...  There is ALWAYS stuff to be done.  That's when we must stand up and shout:  "GET THEE BEHIND ME SATAN!!!!"  Just tell Satan to shut up and go away!  We don't use the word 'shut up' in our house, but for some reason I don't feel bad when I tell Satan to 'shut up'.  Am I wrong  on that?  You wouldn't naturally think that it was Satan telling you to go iron angel costumes, but what you have to remember is that he will use whatever he has in his arsenal to derail you from the work God has lain out for you.  God's plan is the optimum plan for our lives and will work toward 'vanquishing the foe' - Satan does not want that to happen.  So if he wants me to continue to be discouraged about my writing, to continue to feel useless and inadequate for the task God has set me to do - - - then yes - - he will use the ironing of angel costumes to distract me.  What I know, is that this is the time I can sit and let my thoughts cram themselves into the words on this page (everyone is asleep and I am actually focused), time like this is rare in my life - yet those angel costumes will get ironed - they certainly do not need done now.  And the IEPs, I left them at school on purpose!  So hahahhaha Satan, its not gonna work!!
Now there is the question I am plagued with - who am I to interpret God's plan for me?  Frankly that may just be one of Satan's squirrels, (sent to derail us from our purpose as the sighting of a squirrel can derail any dog from its purpose of the moment) but that is a large and particularly fractious squirrel!  I suppose my thought process works like this - whenever pastor speaks on using our gifts, not forsaking what God has tasked us with - my brain does not return to my chosen work - it goes to the unfinished book I have worked on - it goes to the unpublished bible study - the unillustrated children's book - my mind heads straight for the unknown people I could reach through my words (which aren't necessarily my words, before I write any of it - this included - I prayed that God's words would flow through my fingertips or pen to do his purpose, to serve him.  I dedicate each pen (or keyboard) stroke to the Lord.  I do feel he answers that.  No, I am not claiming every word I type are gospel truths.  But I do feel that if you are reading this, God has something to say to you!  There is something here that God's wants you to hear.  It may be that you have your own boat to jump out of, or it may be you know how I can go about publishing my bible study, or it may be you have a gift from God that you are not utilizing to serve him, or even possibly that you should read that book I mentioned in my last post (If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Get Out of the Boat - by John Ortberg), who knows.  I also know that we are charged with the responsibility to reach out to people.  To reach out and share our faith, and to introduce people to God.  The person God created here has more chance of completing that job through writing or art than any other media.  Whenever I pray about how I can serve God, I do not hear 'give more money' or 'go clean the church' or 'work at the soup kitchen'... I hear write, use your words, use your wit, use your faith, write, WRITE!!!!  I help people whenever I can, I teach kids with severe behavioral issues and severely handicapping conditions, I raise my kids (2 of my own, and 2 step-daughters - that's a whole different story) in the word of God, I organize the church Christmas program... I do all this stuff- but it is just stuff, but I am not writing.  Now I do need to clarify that I do feel raising my kids to have a strong faith of their own, keeping them in God's word, and on his path is of utmost importance!  Just as important of a calling as anything else I could ever do!  Probably the most important thing I can do!  What I am saying is that it is not enough.
My biggest fear (otherwise known as a squirrel) is that I am reading things wrong.  God has given me a brain to use.  My boat - that job that I enjoy- is my families livelihood.  It is our home, our food, our clothes, our tithe.  I can't just quit to give myself more time.  That would be stupid--- or is it just a squirrel keeping the mana away.  I can't run out and quit my job - although that is exactly what the disciples did - but we all must keep a watch for those cackling, fat, juicy squirrels that Satan sends our way.  Where is the line between God gave me a brain - and God gave me a job to do?  I haven't found it.  And I firmly believe that that line is different for everyone.
Think about your gifts, your talents that God has given you.  Pray about your service to God.  Tell Satan to 'shut up' and go away. And don't forget to avoid the squirrels!

Hi

God's Talent
11-19-13
I have been reading this book by John Ortberg about 'jumping out of the boat'.   I will tell you more about this 'boat' and what it means for my life and service to God.  It is worth waiting for!  But for this minute, my boat has just thrown out a hook and pulled me back in.  In other words, my lunch break is over!  More later.