Use Your Dirt

How did you sleep last night?  Where you to plagued by worries and stresses to rest soundly?  Sometimes I have nights where my brain refuses to 'just be quiet about it'.  Lately I have been going through issues at work.  Drama, drama, drama, things constantly blown out of proportion, over-reactions everywhere I turn.  I was getting very down.  My mind was occupied with how to respond to certain situations, what to say, if I should say anything, I found myself wondering if my old position would be open next year - I miss it.  THEN: last Sunday our pastor delivered a simple sermon.  He talked about being thankful for the thorns in life (which I truly believe, but must have forgotten), he told a story about a donkey - I am sure many have heard it before, but it was my first.  
An old donkey, far removed from his working years, was out to pasture.  He fell in an old well.  The farmer knew he could not get the donkey out, and had planned to fill in the well anyway (you connect the dots).  As the farmer and his friends began to shovel the dirt in on top of the donkey the donkey bellowed, the end had come.  Soon the bellowing stopped, the farmers continued shoveling.  At one point they stopped to check their progress.  They found a content donkey, halfway up the well!  As they shoveled, the donkey shook off the dirt, and stepped up.  I repeat: the donkey shook off the dirt, and stepped up.  Soon the donkey was high enough, and he stepped daintily out of the well and trotted off happily.
The part I continually repeated to myself was: he shook off the dirt and stepped up.... God wants us to grow.  He wants us to shake off the dirt that is thrown on us and use that dirt to climb out!  Pastor made a reference to the bumps of life - - - and you can not climb a mountain without bumps -- you hold on to those bumps, you use those bumps, you NEED those bumps to make it to the top, to reach your goal, to be what God has planned for you to be.
I stepped back and looked at my situation.  Do I let the dirt bury me, or do I shake it off and step up - learn from it - let the dirt do its job and make me stronger, allow the Lord to prepare me for whatever it is I need to do for him.  My greatest fault is not standing up for myself, letting people push me around.  I needed to assert myself.  The situation would never /will never get better unless I assert my authority.  How to do it?  How to assert my authority, and make my 'rights' recognized as equal, and myself recognized as capable WITHOUT offending, hurting, or damaging the relationship.  How to use the bumps to grow and the dirt to climb up?  I know I need to learn to face conflict and quit skirting around it and hope it goes away on its own.  God wants me to face my fear - direct confrontation.  So... I prayed, I gave it all to God, I asked him to guide my words and actions and turn this situation around, I received peace and confidence.  I had the conversations I needed to have.  Don't get me wrong, I was very nervous, confronting people is WAY out of my comfort zone, my heart was racing!  But,it went very well, no one is mad.  Everyone seems to understand what their and my own responsibilities are.  I learned to not ignore the dirt - if I ignored that dirt, it would have buried me.  If that donkey had ignored his dirt, it would have buried him, if you ignore your dirt, it will bury you.  Pray to God to show you how to step up on that dirt, let him help you use the dirt of life to learn, and to crawl to safety.  Ultimately, it will help you find a better pasture - heaven.